Apr. 15th, 2019 12:50 pm
splix: (isabella blow)
In between training sessions for my new position, a meme I stole from some folks.

First letter of your middle name, no googling.

Animal.............. Marmoset
Girl's name.......Marianne
Boy's name...... Michael
Color............... Magenta
Food................ Marmite [yuck]
Something you wear..... Mittens
Drink............... Mimosa
Place............... Manhattan
Restaurant....... Matanza [here in ABQ, delicious Kobe beef tacos and pork belly flatbread with arugula and pear and some cheese I can't recall]
Reason to be late..... Missed the bus
Job title............ Mail carrier

You would never, ever guess my middle name. It is beyond obscure and I always hated telling people what it was [especially as a kid] bc in response I would get squinchy frowns and "what IS that?" It's my fucking middle name, is what it is. Piss off.

So far the training is going well. I'm sure I'll be getting into hairier stuff eventually but at the moment I'm confident.

Feeling vaguely icky today. I can still feel last night's dinner congealing in my belly. Ugh.
splix: (holiday inn by karitawyr)
I finally corralled all my DVDs. Below the cut are the ones I'm giving away.

I will send as many as you want - first come, first served. If, after you play them and find them satisfactory, you want to Paypal me a bit for postage, that's fine, but I don't want to take any money unless they are completely playable. Most of them should be in fine shape, but just in case. And if you can't afford to pay, please don't feel shy about asking anyway. I just want to get rid of them.

You can see my fannish trajectory in many of them. :)

List below. I have listed a few stars' names where I know there are multiple versions of a film.

I'll keep this list updated for a week and will cross out items as they're requested. After a week I'm going to make them available to my coworkers. Thanks for looking!

movies! )


Apr. 3rd, 2019 09:19 am
splix: (desert skies)
So, what's new with me.

The clinical trial in which I was supposed to participate is on indefinite hold, still under a safety review. That's not terribly reassuring, obviously, so my oncologist is trying another established chemo [topotecan], and she said if the trial opens back up we can see about starting it. The new chemo is a little more intense - it's another infusion therapy, yuck [oral was so much easier, even if it was, yknow, completely unsuccessful] and it's three days in a row every three weeks. I'm a little apprehensive about getting bombarded three days in a row, but I don't have a lot of options right now. Meh. So I began Monday and I finish today, then it's three weeks and I start over. It's six cycles, and then I'll get another scan.

I haven't had any medication since January and my body is starting to do some weird stuff. I've had some uncomfortable GI issues, I'm tired a lot, and I've had what they call unexplained weight loss. Ordinarily I'd be like Yay! Lost eight pounds! But I've been stress eating like a mofo and by my calculations I should have gained about three to five pounds, not lost eight. At least I'm not totally fatigued. There's a big difference between tiredness and fatigue.

I'm getting increasingly indifferent to all this. There's some element of fear, sure, but mostly I'm like, meh, whatever. My optimism is dwindling for sure. I'm on what is referred to as a fourth line, as in my fourth different medicine to combat this. Anyone beyond the third line is encouraged to look into palliative care. I haven't discussed it with my oncologist. If this latest stuff does nothing, then I will. I've already beaten the 84% five year mortality rate, so I'm luckier than most, I suppose!


Good news is that I'm going to be taking a new job in my department. No more money [our budget is so fucked it's not even remotely funny] but more interesting work and more responsibility. And it's with the most stable faculty in the school. Huzzah! I've already conveyed my health news to all the appropriate people and they're totally fine with it if I have to be out. I'm not super comfortable with that myself as I don't want to let anyone down. But if I feel like hell I won't have much of a choice. At least the university has a pretty nice catastrophic leave plan. It pays I think 60% of salary? Of course our health insurance is taking a 5% leap this fiscal year with no corresponding cost of living or merit raises, but...oh well. I'm not leaving because I'm too high-risk for anyone else to take me on. Even if no other employer can see my medical history, I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. At least I'm a known quantity here.


Bad news is that I had to tell [personal profile] write_out that I wouldn't be able to co-write her Sherlock bounty hunter fic. I just don't have it in me, and honestly, I don't think I have any writing in me anymore. Even writing this is an effort! It's sad, but I've left a lot of fics behind so I have some sort of creative legacy. And someone contacted me to translate my novel into Italian, which was nice. I declined and she offered to do it for nothing, but I don't know. I haven't replied yet. It just seems like too many moving parts right now.

I hope [personal profile] write_out does that story, though. It's such a great idea and we did kick some fun stuff around. I'm disappointed in myself about my inability to commit.

I have been thinking about tweaking Roses of Picardy, just because some small stuff niggles me about it. We'll see if I find the energy.


My only fandom lately is cosmology. I've been doing a lot of reading and watching documentaries, and I'd like to maybe take some small trips in the summer and fall. New Mexico is lousy with science - we've got the Very Large Array in Socorro, the National Museum of Nuclear Science and History here in ABQ, the Bradbury Science Museum in Los Alamos [even though it's a LANL-run museum and weirdly chirpy about the inability to dispose of nuclear waste in any truly effective way], the Natural History and Science Museum in ABQ, UNM's PANDA [Physics and Astronomy - isn't that adorable?] observatory, the International Space Hall of Fame in Alamogordo, the Spaceport in Truth or Consequences, and of course, the world and possibly galaxy-renowned International UFO Museum And Research Center in Roswell. Pretty good for a low per-capita state.

The only ones I haven't been to are the Space Hall of Fame and the Spaceport. The UFO museum is a god damn hoot, btw. It's absolutely terrible, but do they try, God love 'em.

Of course, then there's Sandia Labs and Los Alamos National Labs
, but...IDK. Most of what they do is ominous and not beneficial to the human race.

I saw a UFO once! Here in NM, of course. It was in Lincoln, a tiny town not too far from White Sands Missile Range. I say that because I'm now pretty sure it was experimental aircraft. It was in the early 80s, and I was outside at night. Lincoln doesn't even have a stoplight, and it's about a mile from end to end and very picturesque and easy to walk, and surrounded by low mountains. So I was strolling along, and I saw three red lights emerge vertically from behind one of the mountains. It was clearly three lights on a single craft, but I couldn't really tell how big the craft was. I was and still am terrible with size and distance perception. It hovered for a bit, totally silent, and then zipped away, super-fast, toward the right and disappeared, still silent.

So given that there is a military base nearby, I'm fairly certain that this was a local project. Though at the time I was freaked out.

I am a complete believer in life on other worlds. The universe is so enormous, it's illogical to believe that there aren't conditions where living things couldn't thrive even if they're nothing at all like Earth plants/critters/people. But I kind of have a hard time believing that there are aliens with the capacity for interstellar travel running around, abducting and probing people and coring cow asses. Change my mind.


What else....I painted my bathroom. It's the palest, most fragile lilac, very restful and spa-ish. I painted all my storage baskets white, hung a couple of black-and white architectural prints and a white-framed mirror, and it's just lovely and soothing to be in.

I also stopped pencilling in my eyebrows. Since I lost them completely I've been drawing them in with dark brown powder [not going to spend $600+ a year for microblading or tattooing - I hate the look of tattooed brows] , always saying I painted them in not to scare people. Then I thought, 'why am I doing this just to make other people comfortable? If they don't like it, they can avert their eyes.' So, I stopped. And truthfully, I'm okay with the way it looks. And now I don't have to worry about mangling them if I touch my forehead or if it gets hot and they start melting. I wear other makeup - usually mascara, blush, a bit of pale bronzer, and lipstick, and honestly I'm getting to like it. It's different, but different is okay.

I've been on Reddit a lot lately. The space subreddit is fun, and there are super-interesting medical subreddits, and I love browsing askreddit as well for random stuff. I've never been much of a Redditor, and even now I mostly lurk, but so far I've managed to avoid toxic spaces.

Off to eat breakfast before my chemo. Whee!

Have a swell day and night.

splix: curt and brian velvet goldmine (curt and brian)
I finally threw all my Trainspotting fics onto AO3, as a whole set of linked ficlets in a single piece since they're nothing but PWPs.

Hardly A Substitute

So that's done!

Ugh, I have to remember how to do HTML tags again? I guess LJ spoiled me. :-/
splix: (sherlock sepia by govi20)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: Major Character Death/No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Sherlock - Fandom

Relationships: Mycroft Holmes & Uncle Rudy / Eurus Holmes & Mycroft Holmes

Characters: Mycroft Holmes,Uncle Rudy (Sherlock),Eurus Holmes

Additional Tags: Terminal Illnesses, child psychopathy

Language: English

Summary: Uncle Rudy sits Mycroft down for tea and a chat.

Heirs and Assigns
splix: (Default)
Account Created on 22 January 2002 (#447316)

I am lazy, selfish, and sentimental.

I hate change, and I hate being inconvenienced even more. And as you can see from the above, I've been here on LJ for more than fifteen years. Nearly my entire fannish life has been spent here. I've made and strengthened friendships, indulged in pleasures, engaged in lively and sometimes heated conversation, and suffered losses [Govi and Mooms <3 <3 <3].

And I've told stories. Some fictional, some quotidian, some ranty, some from the deepest crevasses of my heart. In response to those stories, I've received great love and support in return - never more than when I was sick to the point of nearly dying [though those stories were often brief and full of horror]. Thank you for that. Thank you.

I never, ever wanted to leave here, even if the place was damn near moribund.

But this, for me, is untenable. Particularly the clauses pertaining to political activity and activities not in concordance with the laws of the Russian Federation. Now, they may not affect me directly at the moment. But I am a queer woman. And given the slippery language [not valid in English, you'll note; only in Russian], I have little doubt that the TOS will at some point directly affect my brothers and sisters in Russia and its surrounding states. Even now, police in Chechnya are murdering gay men in fascistic cleansing operations. And this persecution isn't news in Russia either.

[As an aside, I have a deep love of Russian culture and the language. Some day, I would like to visit - but not now, in this climate, not for years and years.]

So, knowing this, I can't in good conscience remain.

I'm migrating fully to Dreamwidth. You can find me there, same name.
If you want to say hi, please do. If you stay here, I'll miss you for sure, and no hard feelings at all. I'll let this journal lie dormant for a little while, then delete altogether.

Take care, everyone.




Mar. 7th, 2017 09:54 am
splix: (dior maquillage)

My book is now available at Amazon for 4.99 USD or comparable prices internationally. [ebook only - you can get a free Kindle app for any device]

You can also check me out at My nom de plume is in honor of my favorite literary hero. Sort of hero anyway. :D I am thinking of posting essay-type stuff there, the more thoughtful, meandery stuff I used to post here. We shall see. I have a couple of ideas brewing.

Whoo, this has been a long time in the making! It's been consuming most of my free time and thought as well, but it's finally done, yay. I feel like I can breathe again!

My next project is a Cabin Pressure fic for Sundayduck for Fandom Trumps Hate. We've been batting ideas around and I'm excited to start writing for her. I haven't written Cabin Pressure in a long time.
splix: (cumberbatch YES by verbal_judo)
My offering is up.

Even if you don't bid on my work, have a look at the other contributors and consider bidding to raise money for any one of a number of very worthy causes!
splix: (sherlock oh hell)
So who's leaving, who's staying?

I don't want to go. I've been here for almost fifteen years. But if nobody else is going to be here it hardly seems worth it. :(

Oh, and I spent two hours at urgent care tonight. I have a UTI. Yay. Feels swell.

I'd say what else can happen this year but we still have a day to go. Fuck.
splix: (dior maquillage)

All the celebrity deaths this year, and two made me cry: David Bowie, and Carrie Fisher.

I said this on the Book of Faces: Of all the princesses of my childhood, she was the bravest, the cleverest, the strongest, the most beautiful.

That was about Leia, of course. But Ms. Fisher was never anything but wittily gracious about her inadvertent and unexpected icon status. She dealt with addiction and mental illness for most of her life, and was the first person I ever knew of to meet mental illness head-on, with humor and grit and determination, instead of treating it like a dirty secret. That alone makes her a hero.

[Her mother, Debbie Reynolds, died today as well. The blows keep coming.]

She was funny. Oh lord was she funny. Here are 37 examples.

And as a kid, I idolized her. I was a major, major Leia fangirl, but I fangirled Carrie too. I'd get all excited over every mention of her I saw in newspapers or magazines or anything I'd see on TV. In the first grade, my mother made me a beautiful Leia costume for Halloween, boots and belt and all. My hair was down to my butt, long enough to do the cinnamon buns. My brothers loaned me a laser pistol. I was the bomb. I happily played Leia in the neighborhood Star Wars games with my friends Mark and Jeff [in costume, of course, until the thing didn't fit any more]. You can diss George Lucas for a lot of things, but Leia was no shrinking flower - she was a fantastic role model for little girls.

And Carrie Fisher was every bit as strong and brave and clever and beautiful as the princess she embodied, and I am so glad I was privileged to share the planet with her for a time.

Goodbye, bright star, you luminous being. I'll miss you.
splix: (winter)
A merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate, and a good day to everyone else.

Nina and me, giving kissy faces to everyone. :D

Well, I was going to try to do some writing, but I got a sore, tickly throat on Monday morning, started sneezing Monday afternoon, and had a full-blown head cold by Monday night. What a suckfest. It's pretty much run its course, but it made writing impossible. :( And I don't get sick often; it always feels like my body hates me [such a drama queen]. I pumped myself full of echinacea and vitamin C and tried to get as much sleep as I could. Not too much of a surprise - I was run down from work and not eating enough fruits and veg and there was crud going around anyway. BAH.

But I left work with a clean slate and a clean conscience and a bunch of gifts to be opened tomorrow evening when I get home from the family celebration. That's nice. :D

Yesterday I went to see Rogue One with my sister. Mostly, I really enjoyed it. minor spoilery remarks )

I want to see Hidden Figures and Manchester by the Sea, also Arrival. On TV I plan to watch Black Mirror and The Crown. This week while I was ill I watched Big Eyes with Amy Adams and Christoph Waltz and was genuinely confused by Christoph Waltz's performance. Was he trying to chew the scenery that hard, or...? Anyway, I liked it all right. Sort of mundane for a Tim Burton movie except that the film sort of dances around Margaret Keane's true reason for painting those creepy-kitschy big-eyed kids. I also watched the documentary Minimalism and enjoyed it. I'm no minimalist myself, not with my attachment to possessions, but I do try to consume thoughtfully for the most part.


Today I caught up on chores - laundry and cleaning. I baked some chicken for the week as well. Still didn't feel tip-top, so didn't take Miss Nina for a walk. Poor thing, I've been neglecting her exercise. It's a good thing she goes to my sister's during the week and runs about, otherwise she'd just be lying around all day. :(

Now the house is clean, I've watched It's a Wonderful Life and MST3K's Santa Claus and The Lion in Winter - it's time to crack open the bottle of Rogue Cow Cookies and Cream liqueur I got from one of the profs and catch up on tumblr, then fold a little laundry and head to bed with a book. Tomorrow it's dinner and presents at my sister's house.

So long, and happy holidays. :)
splix: (cumberbatch jamie jim bw)
Hiya all,

I haven't checked LJ or tumblr yet because I'm here in PA and having a fantastic time, but I did write a tiny little Jamie/Jim [sort of] Christmas fic, and here it is:

A Letter Home

Best wishes to all!
splix: (ewan curt)

FIC: A Colder Blood Than You Possess
Author: Alex
Fandom: Crossover: Only Lovers Left Alive/Velvet Goldmine
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Adam/Curt Wild
Disclaimer: Neither film's concepts nor characters belong to me.
Summary: Kit Marlowe has a tale to tell.
Warnings: Blood drinking.

splix: (cumberbatch benny martin by thblack)
Chapter 3 of Method Act is here. Please leave comments at AO3.

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