I dunno where this came from.

[splix]

I was reading something in present tense, and thinking I've never written present tense before. At least I don't think so. So I started scribbling, and here it is.

A Shallow Grave ficlet, untitled, unbetaed. NC-17 for rough het sex and references to slashy noncon.




It is Juliet's first time in the loft. David can tell, the way she gropes her way forward in the gloom, the tentative crawling across the mattress, her bottom up in the air, enticing.

He takes her quickly. Pushes her to the mattress, yanks up her skirt, and rips her knickers off in one swift, violent motion. He fucks her from behind, grasping her wrists and shoving her face deep into the pillow so that her soft cries are quieted. He thrusts two fingers inside her, inexpertly bringing her to what sounds like painful orgasm. She might be faking; he doesn't care.

It's something the old David would never have done, not the chartered accountant who likes two flat spoons of sugar in his tea and who has his shoes polished every Thursday afternoon at two-fifteen. Not David of the starched shirts and fussy habits, not David of the rigid timetable and the orderly mind.

His mind isn't quite so orderly these days, though. Ordinary things seem distorted, elongated. He can smell blood all the time, and feel its slippery, sticky texture on his hands. He can hear the grind and snap of bones beneath sharp metal teeth. It's a little funny, he thinks in his more lucid moments, that Juliet the Great Healer lost her nerve, that she couldn't do what David, in the end, could. The more time passes, the more his revulsion is diffused, bearable.

Juliet is sleeping now, her face turned away. Just as well. David fumbles for his torch and snaps it on. Beside the mattress lies a small pile of possessions, strangely random things that seemed important to collect a few days ago. He grasps something flat and smooth and square, then holds it up, shining the torchlight on it.

Alex. Ridiculous clothing, an impossibly wide grin. Laughing at something -- a joke, his own juvenile wit, outrageous fortune. Alex, untouched by guilt or fear, cocky even after a brutal assault that would have left lesser folk quivering in terror. Alex, who should be where Juliet is now.

David stares at the photo. He's not strong enough to force Alex, to punish his insouciance. He'd never dare attempt to do what he's done to Juliet, though the thought tempts -- Alex's legs spread apart, his muscles straining, moans smothered by a pillow.

David lowers the torch and lets his hand drift to his cock. He can hear the grinding noise in his head. Alex grins at him.

There's a first time for everything, isn't there?

Comments

[wyomingnot.livejournal.com]

Oh, geeze.

*fans self*

Spookycreepyhot.

Damn.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Eee! Thankya, ma'am. :D

[splix.livejournal.com]

:D

Thank you!! :D

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

I like the stuff that falls out of your head!

*gush*

[splix.livejournal.com]

Hee hee - thank you, missy! :D

[the-emu.livejournal.com]

Woof.

He should definitely *try* with Alex. No point wondering about ifs and coulds, is there?

8^-

[splix.livejournal.com]

He SO should, you're absolutely right! :D

woof

[crazyoldbsbfan.livejournal.com]

my response EXACTLY.

she has a way doesn't she???

Re: woof

[splix.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thankya, missy. :D

[rahalia-cat.livejournal.com]

Nnnngh. God, that's fabulous. I love present tense; it draws you right into the fic and it's so immediate.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Thank you, mademoiselle! Glad you liked. *smooch*

[kimberlite.livejournal.com]

She might be faking; he doesn't care.

Great. You definitely highlighted the differences between the old and new David.

Alex, untouched by guilt or fear, cocky even after a brutal assault that would have left lesser folk quivering in terror.

Wow, that's so perfectly Alex.

Alex, who should be where Juliet is now.

Guh. Loved it!

[splix.livejournal.com]

You know, I was going to send it to you, but then I thought fuck it, I'm not posting it to my list or anything. Heh.

Great. You definitely highlighted the differences between the old and new David.

Cool, glad that came through.

Wow, that's so perfectly Alex.

Hee. Wee snarky bastard. :D

Guh. Loved it!

Yay! Thank you, my PiC!

[allyoops.livejournal.com]

I love it, Alex! Like Rahalia, I really like the immediateness of present tense fic. The instant gratification of being there right now, a fly on the wall, seeing it all, instead of watching a black and white flash back on TV (past tense).

Fantastic job!

Now I wish I had a copy of Shallow Grave to watch. *g*

[splix.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Ally! I'm glad you like it. I don't know how I feel about present tense, but I definitely agree there's an immediateness to it.

:D

[micehell]

Mmmmm. Now here's hoping the David and Alex part feels like falling out of your head, too.

I sometimes try present tense, but I can never maintain it (I switch tenses without even realizing it a lot of the time), but you did a great job, and it really works here, as both reader and character are experiencing David's self discovery/awareness in the same time. It has an immediacy to it that's very potent.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Heh. I think this is just a one-off, but I'm glad you liked it. :D

Immediacy, not immediateness. *points above, thunks self on head* I'm glad it worked, though it felt weird to write. I had to keep checking to make sure I didn't switch tenses. I might have even missed something still, god knows.

[maliwane.livejournal.com]

It is always a good thing for us when stuff falls out of your head.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thank you!!

[colorfulshadows]

Great flow. Just enough detail and just enough subtly--I really like it. Nice work ^_^

[splix.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm glad you liked it - thanks, Dev! :D

[phantomminuet.livejournal.com]

Wow. That snippet was really creepy. And a little hot. Or maybe that's just the mental image of Alex with his legs spread apart. :-p~

[splix.livejournal.com]

Hee hee, thank you very much, Min!

I got your Christmas card! Thankee!

[phantomminuet.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome.

[nancys-soul.livejournal.com]

See I like to read your masterpieces, because they are always written perfectly no matter what tense, but also because your subject matter is always what I like! Good one!

[splix.livejournal.com]

Sweet! I'm glad you liked it, Nancy! Thank you. :D

[bmagret.livejournal.com]

Damn, I wish my scribbling turned out that good. Nice lunch treat, thank you very much.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :D

[coriolis]

AHAHAHA oh god, now THAT was good to come home to... GAH.

Ta ver'much, like, lass. :D

[splix.livejournal.com]

Eee! Thank you!!

[blucola.livejournal.com]

Um, more? *g* I've gotten used to writing in present tense these days. I love how it feels immediate. Like three seconds ago David was fantasizing about going noncon on Alex's ass.
*happysigh*

[splix.livejournal.com]

Hee. I don't know if I'd make a habit of it, but it was a fun experiment. And I'm glad you liked it. :D

[suechosethis.livejournal.com]

I have not been paying attention as usual!
Super ficlet!

Alex - I'm looking for the pictures I know you posted of the 'cast list' for Provocateur. May not work but I think we should see their faces in the vid, which is going quite well btw. :D

I'm being idle asking you for these as I know I saved them - just can't recall where!

[splix.livejournal.com]

Well, it's like four years old, so I can't expect you to pay attention to it! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it - heck, I forgot about it myself!

Oooh - vid? COOL. Here's the "cast" post.

http://splix.livejournal.com/282445.html

[suechosethis.livejournal.com]

Thanks :D

Yes a vid! I shock myself! lol! Early days but that timeline is filling up! Difficult to say how long it will be but I've got a week off now to work on it. I'm hoping it won't be long.

I will show it to you for your thoughts when it's all together. x