micehell: (alex)
The Rodent Inferno -- a cautionary tail ([personal profile] micehell) wrote in [personal profile] splix 2005-12-08 11:52 am (UTC)

Mmmmm. Now here's hoping the David and Alex part feels like falling out of your head, too.

I sometimes try present tense, but I can never maintain it (I switch tenses without even realizing it a lot of the time), but you did a great job, and it really works here, as both reader and character are experiencing David's self discovery/awareness in the same time. It has an immediacy to it that's very potent.

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